Licked Cupcakes

LDS Apostle Erastus Snow preached the following on Sunday, Oct. 4, 1857:

Do the women, when they pray, remember their husbands?... Do you uphold your husband before God as your lord? "What!—my husband to be my lord?" I ask, Can you get into the celestial kingdom without him? Have any of you been there? You will remember that you never got into the celestial kingdom [during the temple ceremony] without the aid of your husband. If you did, it was because your husband was away, and some one had to act proxy for him. No woman will get into the celestial kingdom, except her husband receives her, if she is worthy to have a husband; and if not, somebody will receive her as a servant. (Journal of Discourses, vol. 5, p. 291)

This doctrine is found no where else in all of Mormon doctrine. The Bible never preached it, and the Book of Mormon is silent. Not even Joseph Smith taught that women could not enter into the CK without her husband. At the time of Joseph's leadership, women were given equal priesthood authority with their husbands, they could heal, bless, and teach as well as the men. It was only after Joseph's murder, and the subsequent move to Utah that the men of the church decided to wipe this equality away, and make the women dependent upon their obedience to their husbands in order to obtain passage to heaven.

From another BB: (Thanks in advance to KA for sharing it).


Remember the parable of the licked cupcake? A youth leader would bring to church enough cupcakes so that everyone in class could have just one. Then, they would lick the frosting from one of the cupcakes, put it back on the tray and pass the cupcakes around so everybody could take one. Of course, the last person in class was stuck with the licked cupcake, and of course, they wouldn’t eat it.


The licked cupcakes in the chastity lesson always represented females. In Young Women's, the cupcakes represented us - we didn't want to be a licked cupcake. No one wants a cupcake licked by someone else.


In Young Men's, the cupcakes also represented girls. You boys were taught not to lick cupcakes that weren't yours. No one else wants a licked cupcake, and neither do you.


Never once was I told that boys could be licked cupcakes. Never. What boys did was, I guess, none of our business. All we girls knew was not to let boys lick our cupcakes, or no one would want us. The burden of chastity was ours to bear, and the prospects of forgiveness for failure were grim.


Some active, yet non-believing men say they don't defend sexism in the LDS church. But they don't need to defend it. They support it every week as they walk through the doors of that church bringing their wives and children with them. Your children will no doubt get the same tired cupcake lesson we all got as youth. And try as you might to counter the misogyny pounded into their little heads, the fact that you keep taking them back for more teaches them what your words never will.


Your boys will learn they're superior to women. One day, if they are faithful Mormons, they will go to the Celestial Kingdom, where they can, at their leisure, take on dozens and dozens of wives, whom they will maintain in a constant state of pregnancy, until they have enough spirit progeny to populate their own planetary domain! Is that not sexist? And the girls are taught the same bullshit! From my own experience, I can tell you they believe it, too.


I can't express how heavily that weighed on my heart as a Mormon. The thought of becoming one of possibly dozens of women sealed to my husband was sickening to me, and it was reality to me as well. I truly believed it. It seemed so wrong and unfair; more like punishment than reward. I mean, as a woman, I was to put my own needs and wants last throughout my entire life, and as a reward, I would share my husband with other women and have baby after baby for eternity? Not only did I dread "heaven", I felt guilty for not wanting it! When my heart was so heavy I couldn't take it anymore, I talked to my Bishop, who said I was prideful. A prideful, selfish woman who didn't want other women to reach the Celestial Kingdom.


Most wives probably feel the same way. I never told my husband how I felt; I didn't want him to know how selfish I was. Women are terrified of their husbands leaving the fold because they believe they can't get into heaven without them. They’re women, and not good enough on their own. Without husbands, they’ll end up assigned to other men and become the sister wives to women who despise them. The woman-hating Mormon religion has brainwashed wives to believe that. It will brainwash your daughters and sons to believe the same thing.


And as for the pompous pricks in Salt Lake City, "The Brethren", they don't respect women. They're misogynistic assholes. Men who respect women don't tell them how many earrings they can wear! They don't shame men for marrying women more educated than themselves. They don't seal themselves to other women after their long-suffering wives die, becoming eternal polygamists. They don't tell young girls, contrary to the best interest of their families, to have babies before they're finished with school…


There may be other areas of Mormonism where one can find middle ground. But there's no middle ground on the issue of sexism in Mormonism. Mormonism is doctrinally, historically, and presently sexist, and there's no getting around that fact and there's no changing it. All the disagreeing in Gospel Doctrine, liberal Sacrament meeting talks, Sunstone magazine articles or enlightened Family Home Evening lessons in the world aren’t going to change the fact that Mormon doctrine, at it unchangeable core, is misogynistic. Throw out all the other problems with Mormonism if you'd like, but this issue alone renders keeping your mouth shut, attending church, dragging your kids there, and holding callings while claiming to be a feminist an act of cowardice and hypocrisy.


Men, if you really won't defend sexism in the Mormon church, then stop condoning it with your attendance and membership. Most of you love your wives. You love them enough to let them write a check for ten percent of your income and give it to an organization that teaches them they’re worthless other than as breeders and cooks. Love them more by telling them that's bullshit. Tell them you love them too much to let them waste another minute in a cult that's abusing them. Love your boys enough to save them from becoming assholes like those … running the church from downtown Salt Lake City. Love your daughters enough to free them from the patriarchal prison of the Mormon priesthood. Just do it.


I've heard from more than a few fellows that it brings a man great satisfaction to be a hero. Be heroes by getting your wives and kids out of Mormonism. At least give it a valiant effort, guys. Maybe you'll go down in flames, I don't know. But I'd rather go down in flames after a long hard fight for what's good and right than sit by watching in complacency as Mormonism sucks the life and soul out of my loved ones.

***My Thoughts***

All throughout my early adult years, I had this idea floating around in my head that I needed to find a husband who would convert, be baptized, take me to the temple, and then we could get sealed as a family together, just so I could have that assurance that someone would be around to call me forth from the grave, and I wouldn't be left behind. After two divorces, I finally found a man who was willing to do all of these things, and once we were sealed together in the LORD'S TEMPLE, we found out that there was no way for us to have our children from previous marriages sealed to us without the former spouse's permissions. Well, that wasn't going to happen in this lifetime. So all we accomplished was having the ability to pass through the Mormon version of 'resurrection' but we couldn't count on having our children secured to us in the afterlife because of 'technicalities'. And I know perfectly well why nobody told us all of this beforehand--we wouldn't have gone through all of the other steps if we knew it was all for nothing.

Even Joseph Smith claimed that his dead brother Alvin was able to skip all of this and still make it to the CK, even without a wife:

Doctrine and Covenants 137

5 I saw Father Adam and Abraham; and my father and my mother; my brother Alvin, that has long since slept;
6 And marveled how it was that he had obtained an inheritance in that kingdom, seeing that he had departed this life before the Lord had set his hand to gather Israel the second time, and had not been baptized for the remission of sins.
7 Thus came the voice of the Lord unto me, saying: All who have died without a knowledge of this gospel, who would have received it if they had been permitted to tarry, shall be heirs of the celestial kingdom of God;
8 Also all that shall die henceforth without a knowledge of it, who would have received it with all their hearts, shall be heirs of that kingdom;
9 For I, the Lord, will judge all men according to their works, according to the desire of their hearts.

Missionary work seems to thwart the will of God, by proclaiming the gospel to those who have no knowledge, and then when they reject it, they have NO chance of being saved in the afterlife. It seems to me that it would be better for everyone if they could be judged by God after they die, instead of by men while they are alive. Thanks to Erastus Snow, women cannot be saved in the here-after unless a MAN is there to bring them through the veil.

So, what happens if she dies first? Does she get to wait around in the Spirit World until he goes to fetch her? Does God withhold judgment on her heart until her husband is there too?

Why is this doctrine believed and taught as necessary to fulfill God's eternal plan, yet things like blood atonement (Journal of Discourses 4:215), Adam as our Father God (same reference), How Jesus was begotten (same), and why whites should never intermarry with blacks (Journal of Discourses 10:110 can be cast aside as "one man's opinion"?

Either the Journal of Discourses and the doctrines contained within it are God's revealed doctrine, or it is not. No picking and choosing. Just like the Bible, or the Book of Mormon, or the history of Joseph Smith. Either it's true or not.